coworker wants to know my personal lifesales compensation surveys

OP did not bring it up, CEO did. Time-frame matters to the employer. By Career Contessa It's not exactly a formal world out there anymore, so how do you draw a line between your personal life and your work? Unfortunately, this is a common scenario in fast-growing companies. But, really, why does it matter who it is? I agree that you should tell your manager as much as they need to authorise and manage your absences (when and for how long, and maybe who is sick if that affects the type of leave you can use). Im so sorry your mom was attacked by a giant squirrel. Even bringing up a hot-button world event without asserting a strong opinion can lead to conflict. Fear makes all of us do unfortunate things. At first, I responded in short replies, then deflected the conversation. OP, I imagine your coworkers are coming from a good place if they know youre going through a difficult situation, they feel that they cant *not* check on you. Ah, employers who claim theyre like families! WebUpdated Apr 12, 2018, 11:29 AM PDT When your coworkers like you, everything becomes easier. To be sure, the job of managers is to evaluate and manage employees job performance, so what happens in their employees personal lives is none of their business. My EAP did not even require my name or any individually identifying information in order to offer help and support. Is family member getting enough rest? Sure, but see, now theyre answering YOUR question: Them: nosy question The problem here isnt that the OP is being cold or not understanding other peoples personalities; the problem is that their workplace has terrible boundaries. If you're job-hunting after hours, keep it to yourself! The best friend had some legitimate problems (many of which could have been fixed if our workplace had just paid everyone better across the board, but THAT was never going to happen), and constantly was given sympathy, support, second chances, etc. Hmmm. I appreciate your help keeping it that way.. The worse the environment, the more tight-lipped you have to be with your coworkers. My mother always told me not to ask people personal questions. Please let me know if you need me to help with while youre helping your mom.. If Allisons advice doesnt work, it might eventually going to annoy you to the point of dreading going to work (especially if theres other wonky stuff going on). I was taught that if someone wanted you to know something, they would let you know. They want to know exactly to the minute detail what is going on so they can value judge whether the help someone wants is worthy help. My go-to phrase here is: You werent to know, but this is upsetting for me to talk about.. So, a U.S. company legally doesnt have to allow someone to take a leave of absence or time off to care for a cousin or a friend. how can I get better at spotting talent in people different than me? Sometimes maximum awkwardness is worth it, if it means you can be honest. Your If some clod still persists, unleash the hounds! What next? Continuing to ask after this is blatantly disregarding the OPs wishes. Its not okay for an employer to say no because you just werent close enough Uncle Fred to qualify if only youd exchanged more post-cards, or hed been your father instead, then we could give you time off to care for him while he dies of cancer. Hows this script? Workplaces arent families, and managers who frame things that way often violate employees boundaries, just as yours is doing. Also, OP, if at all possible and this annoys you too much Id suggest looking for another job. and berate them for having a different taste in music than his? 4. But if youre in a doubt, the following signs should be of help. She is an Extremely Private Person and Im an open book. EAPs are independent and though they are provided through your employer, they should not be reporting the details of your private situations. They are expecting way too much. If you have the time, expertise, and inclination as a manager to do this, thats lovely. - I don't have any personal pictures in my office. A subtle way to tell that a female coworker likes you is if she is constantly going out of her way for you and bringing you little things. Youve given them exactly enough information for them to back off and I cant believe some people are still pushing. No one is pumped for information, or made to feel like they have to go into detail to get time off or other support. Personal life is personal, period. Trust me. That is private family information that I prefer not to discuss.. Hes the boss! But it can get weird and uncomfortable when everyone else in your office is a sharer and youre not, and when theres pressure to conform to a sharing culture. 1) He stares at you while working Have you ever had a male coworker who always stares at you while youre working? At the time I wrote to this blog, I also spoke to my therapist about this ordeal. I thought giving some info would be enough to appease, but apparently not. And if even that giant red flag flying high in the sky doesnt deter her, then follow through. Updated August 12, 2022 Getting to know the people in your workplace can benefit you and your coworkers. My manager asked me recently why I dont like to share my personal life, and I gave him an honest answer (i.e. Bauer coined the term, hero instinct to describe the biological drive inside of men to protect their loved ones and live a life of useful purpose. :). All rights reserved. There is no reason tos suspect they would breach my confidentiality. That's all you need to say. My boss does the same thing, we are like family but that comes up when shes wanting to use people. Whether you stay in your current job or go to work somewhere else, there are certain things it'sbetter not to share with your teammates, even people you work with closely. However, remember that all people do not share the same comfort levels with touching. I think Id be desperately looking for a new job if I had to face that level of invasion. Its difficult to know if a woman you work with is into you or just being friendly. By leaving the situation, you make it clear that the discussion itself is upsetting and unacceptable. Hey, while Ive got you, can we go over talking points for Fridays presentation?. So my take is this: not only do they want information that isnt any of their business, not only are they (knowingly) making the OP uncomfortable, they seem to think they are ENTITLED to the private health information of a coworker and the coworkers family. If you notice that you cant help but smile in return when you see her smile, she is flashing you the real deal and she definitely digs you. Both can communicate important messages of praise and encouragement. YOU ARE NOT FAMILY. Telling if a male colleague likes you is not as difficult as you think. Leave Work Out Of Your Personal Life To Hook Up With A Coworker: You dont want to be walking around with them in the supermarket holding hands and so forth. bad past experiences, unfair judgments against me, etc. Back then, I was just astounded that she didnt know it already and kept doing it.). Maybe getting involved in a health or food allergy association, or something like that? Personal life is personal, period. The Times is collecting personal stories and noise measurements from readers How are you doing?, 3. LW, Im understanding that youre intensely private, but Im wondering if youre giving enough information to your supervisor and colleagues. To Know Your Coworkers Through Questions If you are struggling, they will talk about that. When she wants to talk shell text or email me asking me to call sometime in the next day or two whenever its convenient for me. Since OPs boss considers it a family there are boundary issues in place anyway. Sorry OP :( This is not cool of the co-workers. If he cant see the truth of that as a general statement, he might not be able to get it. Sky News Ditto. I just got some I hope everything is okay! and that was it. If a female coworker suddenly starts really asking you about your personal life, shes showing real interest in you outside of the office. Or are employees having to rely on the employer and the vendor pinky-swearing that thats not how it works? The minister said he wants the UK to be the "best country in the world to be a veteran". Depending on the workplace, how you are related does matter. Its the fact that theyre clearly violating my boundaries over and over again, increasing my stress levels, and making things worse for me overall. Ask Amy: My co-workers make ridiculous assumptions about my single life. I think, if I could explain to him why this is inappropriate, he might stop. Treat it as such. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. I don't want to share my personal life with nosy coworkers Ask a Manager I dont want to share my personal life with nosy coworkers by Alison Green on January 16, Sex is an especially taboo topic because it can easily be perceived as sexual harassment by some. Theyre already breaching social etiquette by ignoring your refusals: I dont think you need to feel you have to try another method or way of wording it to see if something lands. Having just used one for the first time, I can share my experience. He compliments you often. Ill never forget driving to the hospital one day from work thinking I was having a heart attack. I just love this community! 8. Like much of the other advice above, it can also be helpful to share something vague and thank them for their concern. Say nothing to your coworkers when you break the rules at work for instance, taking a sick day when you are not actually sick or it will inevitably come back to bite you. Other co-workers had (known) similar problemsand if they werent my boss favorite, she just talked shit about them. At six months, the current breastfeeding rate stands at 56%, while at one year, it drops to 36%. This is what I was trying to say. I not only dont have time, I dont have the expertise and I feel like being that wrapped up in an employees personal life is likely detrimental to my ability to manage their work in the short and long term. We Want to Know. Does Your Boss Need to Know about Your Personal Life? Here's My Dad Was A Famous Alien Abductee. No life outside work? They should be more attuned to your cues, and they shouldnt push when you make it clear that you dont want to share, but sometimes being able to categorize co-workers as annoying but not malicious can make them easier to deal with. If You Dont Have Anything Nice to Say, Dont Be a Reference I tell my coworkers as little about me as possible. Im going to take issue with this. These are questions that put an employee in an awkward spot. An obvious sign that a female coworker likes you, is if she begins sharing personal information with you. So, managers be careful. Are men really that different from women? The Coworker Asks About Your Weekend: Your coworker genuinely cares about you as a friend if he asks about your weekend. Ive had two coworkers, my immediate supervisor, and the company CEO pry about my family members health status and, on occasion, bother me about my health too since I have several chronic illnesses and had to take time off for a recent terrible stress-induced relapse. I think being direct is your option. Just because you did something outlandish or stupid years ago doesnt mean that people will believe youve developed impeccable judgment since then. Its okay for an employer to say no for business-related reasons, provided you comply with applicable laws. Beyond intrusive and uncalled for. But there is a difference between a fake smile and a real one. It wouldn't make them feel good! She is showing you that you are a priority and she wants you to be taken care of. LW, if I were you, Id be thinking about my next step. No doubt, everybody loves to be praised. So, among Alisons answers, Id include anything youre comfortable sharing about how long you anticipate this to affect the workplace. Part of the future issue with deflecting with I cant talk about relative, relative doesnt want people to know, is that sooner or later the OP is going to be the one with the issue, and if they always deflect with Relative wants privacy, theyre going to be battered over the head with now its you so you better tell us every single detail because its not your relative and were your friends/family so tell us everything right NOW. In a Violet Beauregarde voice. "I was not at his side while he lay on his deathbed, by choice. Even if theyre trying to foist condolences or help on you, after youve turned them down politely, they really have no right to keep insisting you grieve or deal with a situation the way they would in your shoes. However, I have told my friend who is super private that sometime you have to play the game in order to not alienate yourself. are you about your personal life I salute you HappySnoopy. Lets talk about something cheerful, instead! Keep quiet about your plans to transfer to another department. You know, the ones who check you out, and I think I mumbled something about most bosses would be happy that I hadnt gone off the deep end sharing my wedding plans and that it probably would have been rude to share the planning details with people who wouldnt be invited. A: [smile]. Ive been there. I dont mind sharing some things, but there are things that I feel should be off limits because of nosy and gossipy people in the office. Lata Nott, executive director of the First Amendment Center,told CNBC Make It, Title VIIprotects your age, national origin, race, ethnic background, gender, religious beliefs and pregnancy status from discrimination, but it does not explicitly protect political speech at work.. In a matter of months, the jobs that havent gone have gone fully virtual,the physical office has been evacuated or extinguished, and thealready elusive boundaries betweenour workand personalspacehave all butdisintegrated. In truth, some coworkers will take it at face value, and some might not believe it. Jun 26, 2023, 09:18 AM EDT. I see the CEO and president (son and grandson of the founder) in the hall sometimes and say hi. Your Life Well, that appears to be true. Not saying this will happen to OP, just something to keep in mind. ), Q: ??? According to a survey of more than 1,000 American workers by personal finance siteinsuranceQuotes.com, 71% of workers say that discussing your sex life at work is absolutely the wrong move to make. I know this is really weird but its actually one of the first principles of attraction. I listen and humor my colleagues and have my safe topics. Keep mum about your long-term career plans if they involve stepping up and away from your current job. I hope her recovery is going as well as could be expected. The also, genuinely, want to help. Ive received health assistance from a family member before, and I would have been really upset if their office mates knew all the details of my illness. Youve heard the term smile eyes right? Its like a scene from a horror movie based on AAM. Should not, sure, but the org controlling their purse strings is going to have more influence than Sally Employee who doesnt directly pay for anything. A week before Christmas. The Times is collecting personal stories and noise measurements from readers like you. When employees return to the office, it will likely be a progression or incremental transition where the past two months blend into the next phase, which will not look like the past. Let them know that you value them and will work with them regarding how it affects their work, yes, but do not offer to be a sounding board or give them an opening to spread their distress all through the office. 11 Qualities of Bad Managers. I really do appreciate the concern, and I know it comes from a place of caring. I am coping with the situation as best I can, but work is my place to take a break and not think about these things for a while. What is your family members diagnosis? But I put it back together with grit and gold. But it takes just a dollop of self-awareness to include If youd rather not discuss it, please, dont feel obligated to answer, I just want you to know Im here if you need anything. 1 - 5 years 5 - 10+ years What company benefits are most important to you? What an odd complaint on your bosss part. I did provide my boss and CEO and supervisor with more information than I provided in this letter, later on. If she steps closer into your personal space or puts down items shes holding (keeping her arms and hands open) when she is near you, this shows that she is welcoming you into her space and wants you to be near. If you and your coworker become a couple, tell your manager before they hear about it through the grapevine! Yup. It sounds like Hellos boss was disrespectful and way too personal. The issue will pop up again in another way, and I worry could hurt the OP in this environment. And, it bears mention, non-sharing isnt superior to sharing, much as introversion isnt a better way to be than extroversion. I dont know. But in the workplace, they could just be standard forms of praise. But he understood I loved him. The company is growing so fast that new people start every week, but people leave almost every week, too. Thats really nice. Im still impressed 17 1/2 years later by how patient one of my friends was with me trying to tell her what to eat for her medical problem.

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